Homosexuality Among Adolescents

    Most of us are uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality even sexuality among adolescents, and usually choose not to speak about this subject and ignore people who are homosexual or have sex in puberty. It is unignorable subjet and critically important for adolescent’s future life and we as adults play a major life in their opinion-shaping, we should realistically recognize the state of their minds. While observing and finding a solution we should consider their religion, socio-economic situation, education, lifestyle, peer pressure, family structures and so on. Maybe they have less experience than us but they are also human and have the same feelings and sexual desire as we have. There are countless discussions, questions and hypothesis about this subject such as the most important of them is ‘Is homosexuality biological, genetic or learned behavior?’ still there is no evidence to answer this question even doctors are uncertain. Homosexuality among adolescents is a conflict today’s all society because they believe they will affect and influence their classmates, roommates, and friends and otherwise homosexual adolescents think they born with this gene and didn't prefer to live as a gay, lesbian or bisexual."Nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation."(APA) 

     It is really important that parents and pediatricians should discuss orientation with adolescents, and should be respectful and patient and try to guide because there are millions of young people can't identify as a homosexual. If there are no professional help or mindful people and if there are poor parenting skills, vulnerable adolescents will have conflict with sexual orientation and with theirs social, emotional and physical health because there is huge traditional and religious pressure. Usually, during adolescence period, we choose or feel to be heterosexual or homosexual and in this difficult period if there is a pediatrician, teacher or conscious parents it will be easier to struggle for adolescents. Otherwise, it will be really difficult because most of tv shows, movies, theaters, magazines and news compel them to think and desire homosexuality.  

    From the cultural perspective Most europian nations didn't accept homosexuality openly, in America a common accepted concept of sexuality is called the two-spirit individual, in East Asia hasn’t only accepted the concept of homosexuality but also allows open display of one's sexuality and middle eastern cultures never approve and in this way usually adolescents isolated from their peer environment and their family relations are getting worse and they feel deep loneliness. 

From the religious perspective, almost all religions discourage homosexual activities and even normal sex life among adolescents before marriage. From the social perspective largely every society views homosexuality negatively and disapproves of it and when we look at from a homosexual adolescents view they complain because their friends exclude them and think homosexuality is a sin and all gays and bisexuals are HIV infected and they have mental disorders. 

   No one knows why some people are homosexual. Some people who study human sexuality believe that sexuality is a result of genetics, social or individual factors, alone or in combination.
  There are some treatments such as conversation therapies, shock therapy, behavior therapy, administration of nausea some psychologists believe these therapies should have done during adolescence period and Dr. Watsa adds that ‘This question has been asked very frequently of whether one can actually change his/her sexuality but the simpler form, the answer is no". If parents force them to consult such treatments it will cause a kickback among adolescents. 

   Pediatricians need to understand that they should inquire about sexual attraction or orientation even when youth do not report being gay or lesbian.  

   Studies that try to define the percentage of teens who are not heterosexual are often limited by the questions that they ask. Teens who will eventually identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual do not always do so during adolescence. Having had sex with someone of the same gender does not always mean the teen is gay, and many gay teens have never had sex with someone of the same gender. The best available Canadian statistics are from the 2003 British Columbia Adolescent Health Survey, a cluster-stratified, weighted survey that represented 289,767 students from British Columbia who were enrolled in public schools. While only 1.5% of all boys identified themselves as bisexual, mostly homosexual or 100% homosexual, 3.5% of sexually active boys said that they have had sex with someone of the same gender in the past year. Three per cent of girls identified as bisexual, mostly homosexual or 100% homosexual while 6.4% of sexually active girls reported having had sex with someone of the same gender in the past year. American data are similar; Remafedi et al reported that 1.1% of teens identified as gay or bisexual, but 4.5% stated that their main sexual attraction was to individuals of the same sex. A Massachusetts (USA) study found that 2.5% of youth self-identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual. 

      Gay and lesbian adults often describe their adolescence as a time when they felt isolated, ashamed and afraid of being discovered that they were different – all of which can have an impact on self-esteem and identity formation. Although homosexual activity is prevalent among teenagers, adolescent homosexuality has been a poorly understood phenomenon. The purpose of this investigation is to describe the meaning and experience of homosexuality from the adolescent’s perspective. Adults are good at judgement but we have to go down their state of mind and look at to the world more or less in the sense of adolescents life because when they think there is nobody understand and take care of them LGBT are more likely to start using tobacco, alcohol, and other substances at an earlier age mostly between 12-19. The youths demonstrated well-established sexual identities by the consistency of their sexual fantasies, interests, and behaviors over time. 

   Homosexuality was more frequently described as a general attraction to men (48%) and an indicator of positive personal attributes (33%) than as an isolated sexual behavior. The subjects reported strong negative attitudes from parents (43%) and friends (41%) toward their sexualities. Discrimination (37%), verbal abuse from peers (55%), and physical assaults (30%) were frequently cited problems. These stressors may place the boys at high risk for physical and psychosocial dysfunction. (Gery Remafedi, 1987). 

   For having good and mindful relationship with adolescents we must recognize their orientation and as we know first homosexual experience occurred between the 8-18 years, this period is so confusing process in adolescent life and they need a trustful and friendly and not judicial people around, otherwise they can attempt suicide because they think they have problem they feel sad and spend most of time in their room lonely and getting bad, the friends they have aren't like them, everybody tells they are wrong, they are too young, but they know who they are and know what they feel in heart but don't know how to cope with all inconsiderate people in this society.  

   Finally, I want to finish with my favorite quote by Franta “Race, gender, religion, sexuality, we are all people and that's it. We're all people. We're all equal.” and in my opinion, fear comes with ignorance and just we can climb over with education and mutual understanding, in Lithuania,Turkey and from other countries I have many homosexual friends and they are really kind and warmhearted. I just Understand that what they decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is their decision and nobody have no rights in their lovemaking.”

Those Who Miss Deeply Never Lose Hope

 This is the fact in my life ı miss someone and hope they miss me back too. It is really painful feeling to miss someone. And ı already know you miss someone too. Its not a plan to miss someone I never thought ı will miss someone in future because ı never expected to miss but that feeling always with us isn't it? It is one of the hard truth and that's why sometimes ı want to lose my memory and hope longing will be permanently gone. And ım sure while reading me you say it is impossible to forget somebody fully and I'm agree with you, even ı cant forget the days which we spent together. Even ı miss my former state who made me become how ı was living and thinking as before. All stupid and funny things, mistakes, regret, excitement, love, rejection those all good days. And without them ı became someone even ım not familiar with and ım trying to seem okay, fine from outside because there is still someone who care about me fortunetely. If it is the situation you are in as me you have really hard task try not to lose yourself if you lost an important part of yourself because the life will show you more difficult exams. For example, ı started convincing myself that ı will be happier in my future life regardless lack of them and be grateful for my life with thinking about other difficult, unbearable lifes but all these thoughts don't help me to find where and whom I belong.

 I'm all the time fighting with myself what is the reason ı miss someone because sometimes ı miss people whom ı fight all the time while together or if ı hated or became irritated and admired. Somehow many times ı find myself thinking maybe its really good feeling to miss someone. For the last sentence please don't swear at me. Because when ı miss my family ı imagine them near to me and it is start being a sweet pain in my heart. I remember the best moments which we spent and start crying but ı can't disclaim it gives me a smile on my face. 

 Your friends can move to other cities or countries, you can break up with your darling, someone can die. pass on who you love deeply, or the worst thing you can be together all the time closely but you cant keep your ego aside and maybe you just miss someone because of their interpretation. And you start thinking in all those terrible situations what to do.. what to do.. because that feeling all the time out of control. Firstly don't allow somebody to judge your feeling and don't wait them to understand you fully but ı never ever suggest to push away our deep longing. of course, there are million of sites like how to forget in 5 ways or 10 ways and many stupid things something like that how can you forget your ex-love in 5 steps for example doing sport or listening to music because when I am sad ı listen to sad music for being more sad and emotional. I all the time follow my feelings but many times unfortunately ı forget to allow my brain to be with me.

 Sometimes when my madly missing reappear ı just close my eyes and wish them to feel my love, goodness, friendship, family bond and sense of belonging wherever they are. We human are f*cking complicated, just don't like to romanticize too much because there are many peoples who are willing to treat us like sh*t. Our missing is completely understandable but some of us menage it perfectly ı cant understand those one. If you miss the person when you feel alone never mind on the other hand if you miss during your best moments yes this is the true reason. 

Lead your life in an intellective direction

wishing all best
Hazal Boçnak

Child Abuse and Molesting in Turkey

 Whenever ı read or listen to news of Turkey I'm about to cry or pour out children troubles, I can't believe how people can be such prone to violence, want to hurt someone and continue to their fucking life without feeling a sense of guilt. I feel shame for my countryman and disgust from them. 

 Neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse break children heart and hurt deeply and not just their sweet, lovely heart also they experiencing such terrible harassment they are not being able to complate their personality healthily. They start feeling guilty, dirty and doomy. Don't we see how we damage their self-improvement Imagine a child who has dreams, clean heart, soft, exorable and trust everybody until having scary experience by such ignoble and dishonest men or women. Despite there are millions of men doing that unacceptable behaviors there are a lot of impertinent women too. Nobody is blameless also I'm not because we don't make something good and helpful to them just we read news feel sad for ten minutes and after forgetting because for now we are in reliable environment, dormitories or family but there is also homeless, orphan and lonely children and we fall them off to the bosom of dangerous people. 

 Let me tackle another side, children who have the good family good education opportunities and its mr. nice guy they are also in distress by reason of other children's bad experiences, friends of their  parents who are pedophilia and even their teachers! Especially in society for the protection of children and in prisons they make and try what they want on children and there is no inspection by government to the these associations.

 In recent years, child abuse and omission gradually increase in my country ı write that in shame. Between 2010-2016 more than a hundred thousands of people raped and most of them afraid complaining to the police because prison sentences are not a deterrent and after coming back from police station they continue to their torture angrier. Children get these experiences usually by their close relations so in this situation it is really difficult to determine and solve the problem and they live their childhood full of trauma. Some reasons for not to complain; they think nobody will believe them, they will get into trouble, threaten by exploiter, they love the exploiter (for ex: their parents), they don't know how to explain, they don't know if these sexual behaviors are wrong (because they are small children:(  ), they afraid of that everybody will learn his or her experience and they will be alienated by their friends...

 Next phase, they suffering from chronic mental illnesses such as post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, panic, depression, phobia, insensitivity, loss of trust, loss of self-respect, shame, sleeplessness, drug and alcohol abuse, start smoking, suicide attempt, disgust and fearful. All in all, this is our problem and connivance it is public health problem ! 

 There is the huge lack of parenting skills,support and the irrelevance of government. We all must help an abused or neglected child (first I blame myself because I did nothing helpful). Teachers and parents must take responsibility because they can stop abuse early they should observe children if there are differences in their behavior like moving in trouble, more anger than usual or extreme silence, nervous and calm. Don't forget child abuse occurs in all types of the family your children may also be in danger and can suffer even untreated mental illness. Please try to recognize abuse behaviors in your children, students or friends and take care of them we can deal with that.

 It occurs next to us don't pass over. Children are our future, and in the future, we need healthy and clear mind people. I invite you to be sensitive and awake.

RECOGNİZE RESPOND AND REPORT 

Wishing more liveable world
Hazal BOÇNAK

Maybe Men are not Asshole Maybe We are too Hard on Them

 Today I was watching some videos on the internet and one woman on wedding tv show was saying I'm a housewife and want get married to the doctor he should have a car and house and so on. And this video pushed me to think about if we force or overtax men in society. They all must have a good job, earn money and they can't cry, can't laugh womanly, can't be scared. It is shame on them if they go to the neighbours for gossip.They can't say I'm unstrong among friends and boohoo because we judge them harshly while they more tolerant they find out easily how forgiving real shortcomings and errors.

 I think it is really faulted to say women deserve love most in the world. I'm sure there are many boys who don't even know how to be in a relationship anymore because some smarty girls come on too strong and seem aloof. Despite everybody likes people with confidence (try not to drop hints about wanting to get married halfway through the third date:D). Some girls really play way too hard get it sounds awesome to create a challenge in first days. 

 If men chase us it is not cool but if they don't it means they don't care about us. It is always not nice to say this clothes good on you but they chaser to do that, we shouldn't push them to the fakeness and we run from men who seem to appear too available. 

 Conversations take two people and listening each other is the most important thing. Usually, we behave selfishly we wait for too much love and interest and presents by them and boys put we and our needs first. 

 Lets be realistic they just don't think about screwing they also have daily problems as we, maybe they think more than us because we have grown up listening romantic stories and they have grown up watching porn. We pretend not to understand what they want, we just expect and accept men who work for us and society think they have nothing on their mind but sex. Lets say they don't have any idea on sth without sex how can they be successful worker, father,teacher or doctor so in daily life they try hiding their porn habits and dirty thoughts.I hate all advertisements which have naked women pictures and videos to expose their dirty thoughts. Please, girl be honest you also like wearing sth seductive for getting their attention.

 For the last touching, I invite you to think men aren't the cheater, abusers or players only. We should give up changing their existence, nature, blaming them and the way they think maybe we need to change ourselves. Men aren't the problem and women too. The problem is the bullshit. In our society just I want everybody is loved, respected without judgement.

Distance

 Unfortunately, you cannot choose with whom you share your blood but I never felt sorry about this situation I just feel too happy with my family I'm all the time thankful to have such perfect and kind relatives. My family my lovely family who care about me, my achievement, welfare and heart.
 I'm all the time asking myself how do I survive with my loneliness, building a new life with no family in another country without feeling their warm, love and compassion. I was born to a mom who wanted me very much and I know how my mother bared all the pains because of me and I met with my emotional dad hugged me and never give up. I have a big family (luckily<3) we are three children and I'm the eldest one. We are like meatballs and french fries. Me and my dear sister we shared and kept all our secrets, guilts and sins, she is also my best friend ever.

 When I think about family I imagine a big, old and powerful tree which to symbol my parents and juicy, delicious and red apples which are me and my sister and brother :). Before coming to Lithuania all of them cried in airport, I saw first time my dad while crying and after ı saw more three times :( the place was airport again ı hate farewells.
 After arriving my flat in Vilnius I open my baggages and see letters by my sister, toys of brothers (for ex: most valuable car to him) and dried fruits by mom and money by dad :) of course all of them opened in tears while crying because I see them just on summer and ı get such small surprises once a year. Something always lacking without them.

  I dont want to feel sorry for that and complain because I have a family I feel their existence in my heart just we dont look to the same sky and stars but ı can't stop feeling chronic pain in my heart coz whenever ı see my small brother he is growing up more and ı just can see him on camera and when my sister cried ı never can hug..
 But I know these difficult times will pass and we will be together again I should keep myself strong for that ı think about people who experience loneliness more than me. I should achieve my goals without their helps and supports, I should wait more for my mother's delicious turkish foods, more for spending enjoyful times with my sister and brother and more to consult my smart dad.But I promise when I back to Turkey there will be more concern, respect and love by me :)
This is a fact about my life 'I didn't really value them until I lose it'
Some tips for you never say I can't without my family, coz you can you never know what life show you just learn to always fix all thought and mind your family.

Wishing all best
Hazal Boçnak